The sadism of sign up forms
Join our exclusive membership and get a puppy with your next purchase kind of thing.
I’m told, on good authority, that S&M is tremendous fun. I beg to differ.
I had an experience the other day that was as close to Fifty Shades as I ever care to come.
I was signing up to one of those luxury loyalty things, Join our exclusive membership and get a puppy with your next purchase kind of thing.
Some sign-up forms have clearly been designed by someone with a bondage kink. Probably in a basement. And most certainly without windows.
The problem is, you almost require a genealogist to complete them.
Name. Address. Mother’s maiden name. Father’s blood type (blue, in case you’re wondering). Preferences (NSFW).
And then this sadistic little abomination: “Tell us a bit about yourself.”
And what precisely would they want to know?
> That I once ran away from home at 9, with a driver, housekeeper and gardener (he was in the wrong place at the wrong time), and checked into the Taj Palace in Bombay because my mother wouldn’t let me play a new game I’d invented called bury your brother?
> That I once agreed to a threesome in Berlin because I didn’t want to admit I had absolutely no idea what anyone was saying?
> That an all-day breakfast gives me more of a thrill than filet mignon?
Is that what they’re after? I imagine it probably isn't.
It’s not really a form though is it, it's actually a filter.
A lovely little thing called predictive profiling with a dash of psychographic filtering slipped in for added flavour.
Will you spend impulsively? Chase the limited edition? Convert compliments into purchases?
It’s perfectly rational really when you think about it, and the trade-off is marvellous, you'll get spectacular little goodies every now and again.
Rather a good swap, I’d say.
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PS. If you do have a bondage kink or you're S&M inclined, the forms on the Luxury Academy website probably won't scratch that itch, we don't like to tie you up too much (Did you see what I did there! I really am fabulously clever.)